with the Sound of Music

Music fills the cracks of the soul. Bored, sad, mad, confused, hurt, in love, in need of inspiration, in need of comfort, or just about any other emotion you can think of, music can fix. I guess fix is the wrong word, emotions should not be looked at as a bad thing. Emotions are good. We need to feel every now and then. Don't let yourself become numb to emotions. I guess the word I could have used is "aid". Music aids us. It doesn't even matter what genre you listen to, what unknown artist you found, or where you are when you listen. Music in general helps our emotions flow & even out. It's like plopping half of the tub of icing on the cake and then taking a knife and spreading it all over to make it look pretty. My anger is just piled up in one place and it's all I can think about, until I turn on music. While listening my mind wonders, thus spreading the emotion thinner, making my angry emotion pretty. Anger can't be pretty? I think it can. Music helps the soul realize what really matters. Sometimes songs without lyrics can be even more enriching. Whether you are curled up in a ball in bed, hunched over a steering wheel in the car at night, or shaving your legs in the shower, listening to music is always a release. A release from stressing an emotion too much. a "break" from how you feel. Listen to music often. Even better, create it. My little brother sings in the shower daily. It's hilarious, he's awful. I love to hear it though. Music makes us dance. From sheepishly tapping your foot to booty clappin' in the kitchen, music creates the mood. Over Thanksgiving break my cousins and I were hanging out at my grandparents house. It was getting late and we were getting bored. In n out was closed. My grandpa offered to make his famous "papa pancakes." hahaha it was so funny, we were all stoked. My cousin threw her ipod into the speakers & the house turned into an all out dance party. A Pancake-Dance Party! Everyone was dancing and laughing, even grandma and grandpa. My grandpa went over to the light switch and started flickering it on and off yelling, "STROBE LIGHT!" hahaha It was awesome. Music created a memory. Music creates many memories in our lives. I think God gave us music in order for us to be able to explore our minds. I know when I hear church music I feel the spirit. Music aids our feelings. Use music to your advantage.

Vanilla Coke. What is... happiness?

If you understood that my blog title was meant to be read like a jeopardy question, good job. I haven't posted in a while & I've lost my mojo a little bit... so here's a post about all the things that make me happy & keep me sane lately...


- obviously vanilla coke
- people who buy me vanilla coke (thank you...)
- Breeanna Gibson. no she does not have a middle name.
- Chance Manzanares.
- cute dates
- the fact that LisaFrank stuff is coming back in style via urban outfitters
- the leather pants I got from target
- studs (the ones you put on clothes and shoes, not the human kind)
- my frumpy, ugly, worn out Roxy slippers
- NOT doing anything with my hair. (wavy, poofy hair is sexy... right?)
- funny people. oh what would I do without funny people?
- Thoughtful blog posts written by my friends/twitter friends. THANK YOU.
- Grey hair. it's cool & I think I might do it. YO ella bella, if you do it, I'll do it. no joke.
- Skulls & sugar skulls (I'm a poser, I know.)
- The movie Wreck it Ralph. haha seriously go watch it. It's so cute.
- Rock of Ages and the soundtrack. um hello?! I LOVE THE 80'S OKAY?!
- My banana suit (for obvious reasons)
- Pumpkin, chocolate chip anything
- the fact that I somewhat cleaned my room & I can see the floor now
- NOT shaving
- my gymnasts. holy cow. I love them so much.
- HOLIDAYS
- my second job as a hiking instructor. It's been awesome.
- Zumba is cool I guess
- the fact that I will be going to school & socializing next semester
- Jedi when he wears his where's waldo outfit. & when he gets mad about others having the same one.

There are probably a lot more that I can't think of at the moment... but yeah. I'm HAPPY RIGHT NOW. I haven't really been myself for the past little while & I'm finally starting to get back in the groove of life again.I love you all. thank you.

Who am I living for?

I used to be insecure & shy. I wasn't cute or "hot" or beautiful. I was the dorky girl who everyone felt obligated to be nice to or they thought I might burst into tears. The girl who got upset when people would pick on the weird kids. (I WAS one of the weird kids though) I was 4'9 until 9th grade & skinny enough to fit inside of my half-locker. (of course I tried... I was curious. & hopefully my old friends who were with me are reading this & remember hahaha) I was completely afraid of boys, but I was crazy about them... secretly. I was that girl that the popular jerks thought was really smart, so they would ask to copy my homework, only to realize that I sucked just as bad as they did at math. I mean come on people... just because I had super thick lens glasses didn't mean I was a super brain! It just means I had/have terrible eye-sight. My pants never fit me. I was always envious of the girls with filled out butts or "apple bottom jeans" in jr. high. I was barely holding up my double 0 hollister pants with a DIY "extra belt holed" belt. "just make another belt hole with a knife!" -my mother would always say... which always led to high-waters as well. & although you might be wondering why I'm complaining about being skinny when I was younger, I do have a point... just let me get to it. I was picked on a lot in my younger years. I have a hard time writing this because it really wasn't the best time of my life. I'm actually in tears just thinking about it. haha which seems totally ridiculous I realize... but it could be that it's almost 5 in the morning & I've been up all night for no reason at all. I wouldn't talk in class unless I was tattle-tailing to the teacher about Dillon Simmons or Sage Durango. haha or unless I was with my best friends. (in that case you couldn't shut me up!) I got this brand new hello kitty purse stolen in the 6th grade once. It was full of Christmas money, new perfume, and other little gifts. I knew exactly where I left it, came back, noticed the "popular girl" had it underneath her bottom on her chair, and I couldn't stand up for myself. So I turned around and left... in pure fear that she might think I was a loser for asking for my purse back. The "cool girls" would make fun of me often. I wouldn't say much because I feared that saying something back would make me look like even more of a dork. The boys were the worst though. When the boys would make fun of me I felt so stupid. I would act like they were immature & it didn't affect me... but it sure did. I would walk the halls with my head down. I would stare at shoes and carpet all day long just because I feared humiliation. I was always picked last in p.e. classes for sports teams. haha sounds like a sad movie or something. When I liked a boy, I would tell one of my friends that THEY should like him. I was so nervous that he wasn't going to like me, so I made sure that my friends would take advantage of the situation instead. I was insecure. I was in band. hahaha I played the flute. I had wonderful friends though. If it weren't for them I don't know where my life would be right now, honestly. From first grade until now I have always had amazing friends influence my life. I am sooo grateful. I remember when I was a sophomore & I had just quit gymnastics. My mom informed me that I would either try out for cheer or get back into gym. So I decided to try out for the Payson high cheer team. It was so out of my ordinary that it scared me. I remember all of my friends telling me that if I became a "cheerleader" I would change & they wouldn't like it. Sure enough I changed my group of friends and became a whole different person. I sat in jock hall, I dated "jocks", & I acted snotty. I was not myself. Sure, I would still be friendly to everyone when I passed them & make sure to say hi often to others... but I was not the same. A sense of confidence, no.... Pride grew inside of me. I became "popular". Don't get me wrong, I loved cheering & I loved all of my new friends, they were really great! (the popular kids actually weren't as mean as I thought once I started to fit in with them) I guess that's just how it works though. You have to fit in to be accepted. You have to fit a certain mold to get noticed. It's such a joke. Still to this day I find myself waking up & wondering what I can do or wear to impress people. I find myself asking if someone will think I am dumb or weird for doing this or that. Why must we conform in order to feel normal? Who are we living for? Ourselves? or everyone around us? The constant pressure to be someone that we aren't is a daily challenge for everyone. Being your true self is one of the hardest things to do, but if you can accomplish that, you are headed to happiness. If it is possible to realize that WE dictate our own lives, and not others, we can achieve joy.

Who am I living For? Katy Perry

I can feel a phoenix inside of me

As I march alone to a different beat

Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled

Suiting up for my crowning battle

This test is my own cross to bear

But I will get there

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called

Standing on the front-line when the bombs start to fall

I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames

Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the end of it all

Who am I living for?

I can feel this lightness inside of me

Growing fast into a bolt of lightning

I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So I pray for a favor like Esther

I need your strength to handle the pressure

I know there will be sacrifice

But that's the price

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Don't let the greatness get you down

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

Don't let the greatness get you down, oh, oh yeah

I can see the writing on the wall

I can't ignore this war

At the eh-end of it all

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end

Who am I living for?

FUN FACT: you know the "don't laugh at me, don't call me names, don't get your troubles from my pain" song? hahaha I had to sing that in elementary school on stage & hold a poster that said 'the little girl with glasses, the one they call a geek.' so basically my school was trying to enforce a no bullying rule by bullying kids to hold labeling signs. but it's okay, I just laugh about it now. at the time I just thought it was so cool to be involved in an assembly hahaha

RUN. run your heart out.

"You're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting. so get on you way." -Dr. Suess

Everyone has a mountain... or twelve. You can do one of two things: sit at the bottom & complain about it, or get off your sorry bottom & climb it with a smile on your face. I can't run. that's a fact known to all mankind mmmk? Like I'm pretty sure I know of 80 year olds that can run better than I can. Lately I've been trying to run at least one mile each day. Some days I run 4, some days I can barely run 1. & some nights, when the weight of the world is on my shoulders & I feel like I hate everyone, I can run 6 or 7. haha It just depends. (sometimes we end up just running to maverick for sodas... but hey at least we tried.) For some reason when I'm running through frustrated tears murmuring to myself the entire way, I seem to do better...? I guess I feel like I am multi-tasking while I'm running... you know? getting over a couple "mountains" at the same time? When I'm running I have time to clear my mind. I think about the things that are going on in my life. I think about where I would like my life to go, why I'm not good enough & where I went wrong. I have time to think about the problems in my own life that need to be solved. They say running is cheaper than therapy. Now that's a statement I live by. We all have our problems. How we solve them is up to us. & our attitude towards them is up to US. No, we aren't all perfect. Sometimes I throw fits & act like a 2 year old girl when faced with a problem... (alright, most of the time..) but I know how I could & should handle things. It's just a matter of what we do. It's a matter of how we react to a certain text message, fight with a friend, less than happy news, or menstrual cramps. We all have our mountains. How will we chose to climb them? How will we decide to handle the many curve balls life throws at us? What will you do with your mountain? How will you climb it? It's all up to you.
oh p.s. conference was WONDERFUL. hearing the words of our church leaders is always a comforting event.

What you know about RETAIL THERAPY?

I think it's safe to say that both male and females have used retail therapy to cope with their problems. I think I have spent $300 shopping & $140 online shopping in the past month. EEK! someone stop me. take away my credit card! no actually, don't. because honestly, I feel so much better about life when I fill my closet up with stupid crap that I'll never wear. it's so fulfilling! But then I have days like today where I'm at the D.I. just for kicks looking for overalls for my Mario costume. & it hits me that I should be buying these cheap clothes & giving them to poor people! I'm just like, wow I love D.I.! I want this ugly sweater! and these awesome grandma kicks! & then I realize that some people don't have anything at all.... & it breaks my heart. Here I am asking the lady at the register if she can take down my phone number & call me when the next pair of sweet overalls come in... when I realize how terribly awful I am! I need to be more hospitable & wise with my money. I need to be less selfish & more caring. I need to think about others more! gosh dangit. what is my problem? I spent 200 dollars at Pacsun yesterday because I wanted to look good & make my sorrows disappear while there are people living on the streets starving & freezing at night. I mean, of course I believe in working for your own right to live & earning your place in this world, but sometimes you just have to take a step back & realize that what you are doing probably isn't necessary. My paycheck could have been spent in a much better way, or saved for something more important. So... the moral of the story is: those awesome colored skinnies I bought might fill my closet, but they won't fill the cracks of my heart. I thought spending tons of money on myself would make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. On that note, it's time to get ready for work. (grateful to have a job!!!)  so I love you all. I hope you do something great & make a difference in the world today! (even if it's something small like saying hi to a stranger or telling someone that you appreciate them)

JEDI'S FIRST DATE DAWGS!

this is so monumental. Levi (a.k.a. Jedi) went on his very first date this past weekend. Let's backtrack a little bit to last monday I think? Jed carpools with this girl named Morgan. She's way cute. anyway... he texts her & says, "hey how mad would you be on a scale of 1-10 if I asked you to the dance over text?" hahaha and she said 6. So he goes & buys sour skittles, oreos, a big ball, & a teddy bear. He places it all on her porch with a handwritten note that says, "none of these things have anything in common. will you go to homecoming with me?" hahahaha she said yes though you guyz!!! So the entire week we pestered Levi about the details. We needed to know the dress color, the date plans, what kind of flower she wanted, you know... the dance deets! Jedi was so out of his element. First dates are scary you guys! I just can't really remember because my first date was like... five years ago? haha So we ask him where they are going to dinner & he says, "can't I just take her to taco bell or something." for real though... that's what he said. After explaining to him that he needed to take her somewhere a little more 'classy' we asked him what the date plan was. "oh I'm just going to pick her up, take her dinner, go to the dance for an hour & then drop her back off." oh so you're going to end the date at 9:00 Jed? good plan. hahaha Luckily his cousin Austin showed up with a date & helped him out. He doesn't even go to Levi's school but he paid for his date & himself to get into the dance & be Jedi's wingman. such a good cousin.

Levi's view on the dance: "yeah I showed her my sick moves. we danced a few slow songs. it was good."

Austin on the dance: "hahaha well, he was a little shy at first, but once we all started dancing Jed came right out of his shell! he also tried to twirl his date during a slow dance.... but he ended up twirling himself. we tried to teach him, but he couldn't be taught."
We can only hope that dinner went well. We figure that he either ordered off the kids menu, spilled a drink or two, or asked for a new crayon when his snapped in half. If he only did one out of the three, he did a great job! Unless of course he asked Morgan to cut his meat up for him....

I am so proud of him! haha & today, I pull into the driveway and his dance date is knocking on our door!!!! SAY WHAT? yeah. she came over just to 'hang out' & 'play risk'. I must have tweeted about the situation at least 20 times... & creeped a couple pics. don't worry, I'll put them up on this post. So I think it's safe to say that Jedi's first date was a success and I think they are in love now.

Urine Adrenaline?

I am a firm believer that holding pee in your bladder for a longer amount of time then necessary builds adrenaline. Imagine a cheer team preparing to run the mile... & a blonde, out of shape girl doing the 'pee dance'. "I really have to pee.... & I really suck at running." -me "maybe you should go to the bathroom?" -addison (my ol' college cheer stunting partner) "nahh... the adrenaline from holding it will help me run." -me "so THAT'S why you always have to pee when we stunt!" (true story. this really happened. & he would always worry that I was going to pee my pants during a stunt.... I never did though. don't worry)

According to Saige's fun facts, Urine = adrenaline. When I'm driving by myself in the car on road trips I make myself hold it till I absolutely cannot contain myself any longer. It keeps me awake, and it keeps the trip interesting. Like how many miles can YOU go on a full bladder & an empty tank of gas? & even better, once you finally get into that nasty chevron restroom & finally relief yourself, it's like the best feeling in the world! I'm almost sure that I have the record for longest amount of time continuously peeing. but this is starting to get weird & gross.... so I'll wrap it up. I've got the bladder control of an elderly woman. but I've got the drive of an Olympic athlete to hold it in for as long as I possibly can. It's the best when everyone in the car KNOWS you have to pee & they start making water sounds & drawing attention to you, because that just makes it even more challenging! Bring it on Bladder! Do you ever remember when you were little and you would hold it forever and all of a sudden you didn't have to pee anymore? (no, I don't mean that you peed your pants.) It just like went away? the urge to release your bladder bag would just disappear? I don't even know how that happens! ok bye. hope you all had a great labor day weekend! I know I did! :) oh p.s. even when you can't hold it & you end up having to squat on the side of the road, it's still worth it because you will have another story to tell about yourself to boys when dates get awkward.